??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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