his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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