why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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