hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
