I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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