fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
