So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
