Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
