So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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