apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
How naked do you want me to be?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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