I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
