I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
