I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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