Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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