From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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