we made out on top of his cat.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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