i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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