Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She told me I should be a condom model.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
