So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
