...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
