he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
