if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
