I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I did not marry a roomba.
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