i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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