Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
