she told me i tasted like america
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
