I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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