I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
