My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
