It's like God shit irony all over that family
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
