whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
