I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
