just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
