This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
