If that was your dad, he is hot
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
