Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
