So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
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