The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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