she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
