Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
They have beer where we have blood.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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