i jhust puked up my retainher.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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