i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
