I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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