all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
