Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
