Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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