and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
