i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Everyone says I win the strip club
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
