From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
