your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
