You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
