My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
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