I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
