Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
